Divorce

I'd like to talk about divorce.  It's a dirty word, divorce.  At least it has always been one for me.  I never really considered it an option for the longest time.  Divorce meant failure, the end of a relationship that was meant to be forever. Why marry if you end up getting a divorce? But wisdom comes with experience and age, and I have had both.  My divorce was so quick and easy to get (when it should have been something hard to do) that it left me pondering about the whole institution of marriage.  Now, I know that I am a terribly hopeless romantic, but I have landed on the rear end of reality one too many times to know that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage - not these days, not in the days of our parents, not anytime in the future. 

In my books, there are two aspects of marriage.  One, the institution of marriage - that big white dress, the ring, the ceremony, and the honeymoon.  All very romantic and wonderful.  The other is the long term commitment, the love, the passion, and the relationship that is implied in the vows of a marriage ceremony.  That second aspect is the only important part.  I now view the marriage ceremony as a beautiful white lace tablecloth.  It is awesome, and it covers your dining room table completely.  The relationship part is the table.  Now, under that tablecloth, there could be a beautiful strong mahogany table, built to last and withstand anything, or, there could be a cheap card table that will fold at any moment if you put too much pressure on it.  The  tablecloth, which gets longer with time, covers the flaws in the table and even though you are acutely aware of the condition of your table, the people surrounding you often have no clue - they only see the pretty tablecloth.   My table started out strong, but over the years it lost a leg.  And my beautiful lace tablecloth went all the way to the floor and totally covered up the fact that my table only had three legs.  When I finally pulled off the tablecloth and let others see the condition of my table, everyone was shocked.  So what is the point of the tablecloth? In the end, pulling off the tablecloth (i.e. getting a divorce) was  the only solution for me, and way easier than I expected it to be.  A beautiful table hardly needs a tablecloth. Sure, nice to have, but totally unnecessary for the relationship to be strong.   Does this mean that I condone ''living in sin''?  Absolutely.  Does this mean that I will never marry again.  Not necessarily - everyone likes a nice lace tablecloth - but it should be there as a decoration to an  beautiful and solid table,  a bonus - always keeping in mind that the tablecloth will never be there to hold up the table if it starts to fall apart, that you need look beneath that tablecloth in order to maintain the table and keep in good shape.